Proud moments.

Sometimes there are some questions, which are really hard to answer, and there answers arent somewhere in books, these are questions of life, of love, of care. few hours ago an online friend asked me, do you love your parents, i replied him without any hesitation that i do , and who does'nt. he then asked me how much do you love your parents, for a second i thought about the question , do i really love, and how much i do, or how much i care for him.

i told him i cant explain this question, but he asked me again how much, then i said there smile is everything for me, and they really do alot for me, they think my progress as there own, and told that my father whenever visits a doctor, he always mention the doctor, that my son is soon going to become like you one day, he is trying his hard to be a doctor, and he is in the finest university. and he feels really proud of this, even he tells any friend he talk to, and he used to say that my this son, made me proud, made me happy, and telling him everything, made my tears roll, that am i trying that hard to fullfil his dream or am i just not serious with this stuff. and this is what makes me more determinant about my goal to be a good doctor, and i would do anything to make my dad proud.

Trying to make everyone happy.

I don't know what to call it may be a human nature or instinct that it tries to please others, some just pleases people really close to them , some try to please whom they call friends and there is a small group of people who tries to please everyone, literally everyone and i might say i belong to this group. Throwing hand to anyone who need them, just like a Super hero who tries to protect the world and thinking it as his duty, and feeling good about it, but the truth is sometimes this super hero gets alone, seeing everyone happy at expense of sacrificing his own happiness, does it really have to be that way?

What if i say, that i have a life to care, even i want to enjoy, and sorry i cant handle your shit anymore, I cant, they feel like i m being really obnoxious. And its my utmost duty to help them and they expect me to be, being there to support them, to be there to help them  and be there 24 by 7, if i want or not.

I am right now feeling really confuse that even if i try pleasing each and everyone of those, still i cant make all of them happy, its not possible actually, because you cant talk and make everyone you know feel better in a day which has just 24 hrs.

I want to end this once and for all, and be a bit mean, be selfish, but i dont know, why i cant, I even feel a bit hesitated just to say someone a NO, being means is practically impossible for me, but anyway i have to give this stuff up and work on my own goals, people around me might support me for now, but in the long run its no use, its not even worth it, Better to be a normal guy and keeping care of really close friends.

Mentor.

Everyone wants to be in spotlight forever, to be known and cheered for. But sometimes you do take a time off from that spotlight and start working on other, making another person, making him or her ready for the his/her big show, consoling them, supporting them, telling them you can do it, and i am here to support you, making them feel that you have full trust on them, and you know that they pull it perfectly.

Sometimes the people you work on are really co-operative and will do whatever you command, and will try there best to do be what they wanna be, and some will be pessimistic, thinking there life is junk, and they are nothing else than a failure,for them you just need to hold there hand and tell them to do there best and u believe in them, and with passage of time they will improve, they might even leave you far behind what you were, they might become more better than you someday.

Then all you have to do is, take the VIP seat of that show, and enjoy seeing them sparkling under the spotlight(this does'nt refers to edward of twilight) pulling it off the way it must be, and making the people around them smile.

this is not my story, its actually my brothers, what i am today, its all because of him, his support, his care, the way he use to look after me, telling me to focus, to be determinant and  do loads of hard work, often seeing my progress secretly and later telling me if i am lagging behind or not, and thanks to his support i achieved what my brother did'nt, but it was all due to him, and i remember everyone cheering for me, but no one knew the real thing was done by my mentor, not by me. and that was my brother, who was there in the background sitting looking at me, satisfied and happy.

Starting all again

I am not sure why i am writing, i am just right now confused, what to do? what not to ? trying to hold myself, taking sleeping pills for insomnia, kind of overdosing it, and i feel that yes now i have terribly f***ed myself.

But i want to get rid of it, get rid of everything that is killing me, i want to live life, and cherish it , which i am failing to do so, i want to make myself better again, and from now on i promise myself to try to work hard, and start mending whats broken, i know it wont fix it  a day , nor even in a week, it will take months, may be a year or two, but i dont have to give up, i have a dream and i have to accomplish it

and from now on i am starting it with a determination that this time i wont QUIT.

Seed, weed and soil

Sometimes people around us, are inappropriate for us, they are not what we need to go towards success, they are mean and they just want to utilize you only for there purpose, and they will just make u worst, will leech out everything you have and then leave you to rot.

Take an example of a seed, it needs proper amount of water, soil, sun and air, and some nutrients, and if it gets it properly it will nourish well, it will nurture more better, and it will look good and healthy, these are what appropriate things are for seed, what if any of these things are not the way they needed, or what if ground is full of weed, they will suck all your nutrients and deprive you from your nutrition and will let you rot, same is for the group of friends you keep.

And the best thing one must do is cut of the weed first and remove them so that this plant can grow and add some symbiotic organisms which might support you with your nutrients.

Its just the same thing, i am having, just a month left for my semester and all are coming to me asking to teach them, to help them, asking if i can support them and teach them just important thing, you might say this is a nice thing, you would be revising and learning in this way but seriously its not like that it more or less waste of  time, cause they just need is shortcuts to study, just key point important thing, that i mark for them so that they can pass, i am sick of these people

I dont want them any more, i just want to learn and need some space from these people. 

Learning and evolution of mind

In this world everything is subjected to change, and everything is continuously evolving, and this evolution of everything makes this world more interesting.
one basic type of evolving is that we age, like a child grows to an adult and later to old age and then to death bed.
another type of evolving is the evolution of our mind, it evolves with duration of time and with  increase activity of it which makes us to perceive more from less information and thats why we are said to learn more and more as it increases our neural synapses and makes our thinking criteria much better.

Finite and inevitable

Everything in this world has a time limit and after that it wears of, thats is it has a countdown timer constantly decreasing every second,and it starts with the beginning of a thing and it reaches at zero at time of destruction.
Same goes with relationships they have there time period and they will end, either today, tomorrow or in near future it will and you can't deny it nor you can stop it. But all you can do is make it pleasant and enjoyable, so that it might end but you still have its wonderful memories with you, so that you can say it that YOU HAD YOUR BEST TIME WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE.

Sometime while remembering those memories we dont even remember the words nor what we discussed just the feeling of happiness which knocks away all your sadness and from inside you say i loved it.

We all are finite and our destruction is inevitable but our memories and feelings are infinite.

No Regrets

Sometimes in life we stand at a positon where we are unable to decide, either to do or not to, thinking it will work or not, sometimes we even know that it will work out but our lack of self confidence does let us to do so though it might make a difference. even if it does not, at the end of the day you will be atleast happy that you tried.
so whatever you decide to do, do it ,dont back down and just go ahead and if anything comes in between blast them off ;) so that you never ever have that feeling that you didnt tried, and that how winning is done ;)

Love and craziness

We all have loved someone or some of us are in love, so we do know we sometimes do some crazy stuff which for a normal human being looks abnormal and sometime awkward, but those who have felt it, it means everything for them, and it must be ,because the stuff lover does, he/she does it from bottom of his/her heart.
Like waking them up, or staying awake whole night for them so that they can sleep well or sometimes even, they travel a ling distance to meet them, its always exciting as the one who is expecting get something beyond they can expect, something that keeps there jaws wide open and make them feel so good that they think they are on top of the world.
And its the best feeling one can have.

Caring Ones

Living life is hard, its tough and sometimes it really beat you down to your knees, you become miserable, having stress, and you dont sleep well, have body pain and you want to give up and most of the people will love to see you fail, yes i am saying right, most of the people just want to see others how badly they fail. But wr are not concerned with those, they arent worth enough to look, just ignore them.

But there are special set of people for everyone, you me or anybody, they all will have, they are like shade in hottest day when you sweat the most and have desperate need of it, or a beam of light coming from smallest pores in a dark cave allowing you to see.
and these are the carrying people, who support you selflessly and are always there to listen to you and be there when you want, they are for you any time  you want , early mornings or late nights, they will be there to protect, support, assist and make you feel that you can do better, and how tough life may be, they will be making it easy for you. My salute to all those people who stands for there loving ones :)

Nauseating Care

We all do care for someone and when we care we try to support them so that they do there very best.

We support, help, assist or even sometimes we just stand there and do nothing,just we tell them that we are here to support, even this works very well and boost morale of the one whom we are caring.

But sometimes it happens to all of us that our care in addition to possesiveness becomes nauseating, now you must be thinking how its nauseating? why it can be nauseating? afterall we are caring for them whats the prob in that.

I will say it is, as care is like sweet, "less" not good, "normal" makes thing delicious, "increased" more better and when "highly increased" its diabetic. And its not good at all. Its terrible !!!

Similarly caring, when its of high dosage, it irritates the person, even sometime it makes the person whom you are caring a bit angry, and one will say "i need some space or get out of my personal life" even though you know you are caring that much to support them, but its not supporting at all.

Now question stands how not to make your care nauseating.
its simple, just gave the sugar with intervals :) and i promise they will love it, its just sometimes your presence our them and acting like your there mother makes them agitated, so just give them some air and they will feel better. :)

Refractory Period

Its been almost a week, controlling my feelings, keeping my self calm and relax, and trying my all best not to upset my mood nor to think about it that much, just staying calm. Even my dear is doing a good job, her life is all better and its going towards a good path, and i am really happy about it.

I always thought i will be forgotten but i was wrong, my dear has not forgotten me for a single second, she always thankful for my support and care, and she's always says that thanks to you i am now good in studies and all and i love to here this :) and she feels proud to have me with her. Even though i just told her what was best, rest she did it herself ;)

All i want is she never forget me, though its a difficult task to do, cause sooner or later one does overcome it, there refractory period ends. And this is what scares me alot.

Not every arrow hits the Bull's eye

There are some instances where hard work, determination does not leads us to our goal. Sometimes our all work does not lead us to victory, but it does not means that we lost. The truth is you still succeeded because your aim towards your goal and your hardwork taught you how to do it, your loss told you where you were wrong, it tells you your exact mistake or flaw you had in your approach, it never goes in vain and thats the rule of life :)
And most of important of them all  if you lost or didnt scored a victory it doesn't means its the end, you just need to relax sit and work again and try harder because lifes harsh, it will bring down, so always stand up and take hits :) and always be happy.

Solitude

My father often says me to get time for yourself and relax, try to spend time alone thinking about yourself, free from phone ringing,message popping environment and release every stress you have in you.
I always thought that it wont work out, how can a person get relax while sitting alone being bored and doing nothing. I even said sometimes to my father who does these type of things, and what for, how they will help, how can sitting alone make u feel relax, i always used to think that relaxation is watching a movie or spending sometime with friends and partying in all.

But recent days i have tried this stuff and it really works.

Its isolates you from noisy environment and make you feel free from your phone, laptop and all, and you think for yourself, and put all those irritating stuff out of your head, its a real relaxation of your state of mind and you feel that you are feeling better. It increases your creativity and gives you freedom from the world and sometime to think about yourself.

I will say dear you also try :) this will help you let off some steam :).

Messed Up...

Sometimes its happens to all of us that we kind of get stuck in a part of life, where we are not able to manage our time, and when it happens its really tough to go through it, it takes hell lot of patience and there are increase chances for you to get stressed, even hyper sometime and you might loose your mind and it will make you more miserable and when you get into this vicious cycle of getting stressed and making your self miserable, sorry to say you if you are in this kind of state, then you are in DEEP SHIT.

Now question stands what to do in this situation?

Its very simple, Stay calm, be cool and relax, then scrutinize your problems, start with the major ones and then the minor ones, slowly and gradually. Don't do all stuff together because you wont be able to do it all together and that was the main problem which originated your mess.

Then start managing your time and set up priorities for your work, and make sure you follow them, keep minor ones in low priority and major one in high priority and start it slowly and gradually, make sure you follow it properly. And soon all be cool and fine, 

Remember every dark night ends with a DAWN.
 

Success - Some Favourite Quotes

I have been thankful to my dear who shared me a video few days ago regarding accomplishing a goal and success :) so i had been searching some good quotes on net, and these are some of my favourites :)

One, who adopts patience, will never be deprived of success though it may take a long time to reach him -H. Ali Ibn Abu Talib

Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions -Tony Robbins

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears -Les Brown

The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary -Vidal Sassoon

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it -Maya Angelou

Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm -Winston Churchill

Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings -Arthur Rubinstein

I'm a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him down-Abraham Lincoln

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it -Winston Churchill

Me,Relation and People

Many people said me that this relation will make you miserable, some said you will face grief or you will suffer or whatever they felt about that, they said, though some said me that its a good thing but many said me i was wrong, and someone even said that i m suffering alot from this whole stuff.

But i know from inside its one of the best thing i ever had someone supporting me in all of my decisions, being there when i need and being there whenever i want, may it be early mornings or late night.

I learned a lot from her and i guess she did alot from me as well :)

and that was the main part of relation and that was the benefit, it was perfect.

And the truth is i still love it this relation and i m trying it to preserve even if its preserves as a friendship even that will be alot for me.

But most of people will never get :) because they never know what truly love is, Its sacrificing :)

Fun being young

Why life is never simple, why its not like mathematical equations which are simple and precise,why its filled with complexities and its never certain.
Why dont we make desicion like we used to make when we were kids,why we cant just decide what we want and what we dont without any influence by pur society, why our desicion are more based on what people want frm us then our own desires. Why?

this is what most of us question ourself, and become miserable when we face this type of issues,but why is it so?

What i feel is life is never for your own to live, its for others you live and for others expectation you do what they want you to do. And we cant do anything for it,because we are  bounded by these norms which were created by our elders.

And this is the point where we enter a phase called professional life where we understand why its like that and why its all abt this and why our desicions are made with respect to our parents or relatives.

even i am getting through this and even you are,all we can do is improve ourself and leave rest for God, and He is wisest of all and ge knws whats better for us :)

janab always remember just make sure whatever happens make sure your priorities religion and studies does nt change :)
and your today must be better then ur yesterday and tomorrow better then today, and what better mean is tht u r being spirtually better or not or being dragged into matetialistic world!

Comforting Relations

I had a good day today, did a good job with studies and gave my most of my time towards it, tried to eat less oily stuff :), it rained as well, so had a some fun in rain :)

but most of important thing that happened today was, i went to meet my sister, she came yesterday from Dubai so had to meet, and i am also helping his son in studies so had to talk to abt it as well, when i entered her house, her husband and her mother in law greeted me well :)

said me to sit and have dinner :) and while having dinner they all were like forcing me to eat more :) even though i was on diet :) it awesome feeling you get when ur relatives supports you, and this is comforting.

I remember few years back, it was'nt like this at all, i just use to go my sisters house when there was any emergency or have to give or take anything frm there and relations were just normal, but i remember when i started teaching her son maths, and he was improving well in it, i saw that they started supporting me :)

and i remember i had to get a laptop back in november, and i was not having enough for that her husband supported me and got me loan on his guarantee :), and there were many diff way my sister supported me :)

and i m really happy abt it :)

Dear, i knw u will be reading this :) and will be thinking is there anything abt me :) in here

it looks that there isnt :)

but the real thing is you were studying and didnt wanted to disturb u that time :)

so wrote it here so that you can read when free :).

Storm is coming

With those personal issues I never realized that i am lagging a bit behind my course, and have less then 45 days for semester examination
right now trying hard,working my best to accomplish my goal :)
bt this time its a bit difficult, a new level of difficulty, bt any ways havr to overcome :) and have to get out of comfort zone to achieve it :).

We Go On and On.

I never thought life will be so complex some day, its surprising,amusing, yet has a mixed flavor of happiness and sadness. I know what she feels about me, she feels good, but it wont work out as it has so many complications in it, which will compromise our relation in such a way that there wont be any love. So i GAVE UP, people think its being coward or being a loser, buts in reality its a complicated desicion comparing whats ordinate and whats inordinate, whats worthy what and what must be done in this complex mess. And I know the guy who loves her, loves her more then me :) and i feel thats more then good enough for me to be happy for it. I want to find any possible way to show that guy is wrong and take her back but that guy is perfect for her.

Today i tried to work on my goal, studying alot and more focus on it, and trying to loose some weight :) dont like my current body contour, so Fasting and a bit exercise and working on proper diet, not too much nor to less :)

I knw you must be reading it , and you would have cried a bit :)

if u will, i will lick it dry :) 

and janab :)

Dair Lagi Laikin, Mainay jeena seekh lia :)

It Took time but, i have learned how to live. :)

Update

Have added a checklist for aims which i have to accomplish this year. will be adding or subtracting things from it accd to need :)

What now ?

Today my day was alot better, it started with chat with my love, we discussed what all happened, and we still love each other but there are certain problems which are barrier in this relation,

i am happy that i made her realise that i love her alot and thats more then enough for me and thats what its all abt, just to leave an impression of u onto others that what you feel for them, because they wont remember the words but they will always remember the feeling they had that time.

i have started to work on studies, its a tough course, and it requires hell lot of time, which i dont have , i have ended up every leisure i use to have, like online gaming, facebooking and all :) and now i m just focusing on my studies, as there are lots of people who thinks that i can be a really good doctor and they can feel proud of it. :) and for them i will try by best :)

thats all for today :)

and i have made my desicion that i will continue writing this blog :) as it makes me feel good :)

Why I Am Here ?

Right now i am really stressed, a bit broken and not feeling that much well, its 3:30 am my mind is kind of filled with loads of stuff which i want to take it out of my mind, and put it somewhere, where i can read it later or share it to someone close when its the right time.

I am a medical student, struggling with life, its really tough to be in this field, course is lengthy, things takes alot of time to learn, and need multiple time revision to make sure that u it well and can apply it when u are examining a patient,
But my life is kind of F***ED, Lost of my Gf, and it was all my fault that i lost her, and now she is with someone way better then me who cares for her and give her most of her time
and be there when she needs
on the other hand i was an A**,
my studies and leisure activities had reduced my time in such a way that i was nt able to talk to her well.and i lost her. and u know what she was really dear to me
its just that she was supportive helping caring and always be there when u need her

and now i hve lost her, and i dont knw how to get her back , i m trying to but its kind of impossible
even  i have reduced my leisure activity to zero and have just kept my time for studies n for her

and now  i m kind stressed that i cant tell her this
as it will make her sad and i dont want to do that
so thats why i am sharing whats on my mind here, so that when it will be the right tiem i will show her :)

and the reason its 3:30 am and i m awake, coz was online for her on whatsapp when she was talking to her new boyfriend, just stayed on whatsapp to show her that i am here and i will be here whenever she wants
she asked me why i am awake, i lied to her that i am studying,

thats it for now, will be posting my thoughts daily to let off some steam :)
so that i can focus on my studies in better way