Proud moments.

Sometimes there are some questions, which are really hard to answer, and there answers arent somewhere in books, these are questions of life, of love, of care. few hours ago an online friend asked me, do you love your parents, i replied him without any hesitation that i do , and who does'nt. he then asked me how much do you love your parents, for a second i thought about the question , do i really love, and how much i do, or how much i care for him.

i told him i cant explain this question, but he asked me again how much, then i said there smile is everything for me, and they really do alot for me, they think my progress as there own, and told that my father whenever visits a doctor, he always mention the doctor, that my son is soon going to become like you one day, he is trying his hard to be a doctor, and he is in the finest university. and he feels really proud of this, even he tells any friend he talk to, and he used to say that my this son, made me proud, made me happy, and telling him everything, made my tears roll, that am i trying that hard to fullfil his dream or am i just not serious with this stuff. and this is what makes me more determinant about my goal to be a good doctor, and i would do anything to make my dad proud.

Trying to make everyone happy.

I don't know what to call it may be a human nature or instinct that it tries to please others, some just pleases people really close to them , some try to please whom they call friends and there is a small group of people who tries to please everyone, literally everyone and i might say i belong to this group. Throwing hand to anyone who need them, just like a Super hero who tries to protect the world and thinking it as his duty, and feeling good about it, but the truth is sometimes this super hero gets alone, seeing everyone happy at expense of sacrificing his own happiness, does it really have to be that way?

What if i say, that i have a life to care, even i want to enjoy, and sorry i cant handle your shit anymore, I cant, they feel like i m being really obnoxious. And its my utmost duty to help them and they expect me to be, being there to support them, to be there to help them  and be there 24 by 7, if i want or not.

I am right now feeling really confuse that even if i try pleasing each and everyone of those, still i cant make all of them happy, its not possible actually, because you cant talk and make everyone you know feel better in a day which has just 24 hrs.

I want to end this once and for all, and be a bit mean, be selfish, but i dont know, why i cant, I even feel a bit hesitated just to say someone a NO, being means is practically impossible for me, but anyway i have to give this stuff up and work on my own goals, people around me might support me for now, but in the long run its no use, its not even worth it, Better to be a normal guy and keeping care of really close friends.

Mentor.

Everyone wants to be in spotlight forever, to be known and cheered for. But sometimes you do take a time off from that spotlight and start working on other, making another person, making him or her ready for the his/her big show, consoling them, supporting them, telling them you can do it, and i am here to support you, making them feel that you have full trust on them, and you know that they pull it perfectly.

Sometimes the people you work on are really co-operative and will do whatever you command, and will try there best to do be what they wanna be, and some will be pessimistic, thinking there life is junk, and they are nothing else than a failure,for them you just need to hold there hand and tell them to do there best and u believe in them, and with passage of time they will improve, they might even leave you far behind what you were, they might become more better than you someday.

Then all you have to do is, take the VIP seat of that show, and enjoy seeing them sparkling under the spotlight(this does'nt refers to edward of twilight) pulling it off the way it must be, and making the people around them smile.

this is not my story, its actually my brothers, what i am today, its all because of him, his support, his care, the way he use to look after me, telling me to focus, to be determinant and  do loads of hard work, often seeing my progress secretly and later telling me if i am lagging behind or not, and thanks to his support i achieved what my brother did'nt, but it was all due to him, and i remember everyone cheering for me, but no one knew the real thing was done by my mentor, not by me. and that was my brother, who was there in the background sitting looking at me, satisfied and happy.

Starting all again

I am not sure why i am writing, i am just right now confused, what to do? what not to ? trying to hold myself, taking sleeping pills for insomnia, kind of overdosing it, and i feel that yes now i have terribly f***ed myself.

But i want to get rid of it, get rid of everything that is killing me, i want to live life, and cherish it , which i am failing to do so, i want to make myself better again, and from now on i promise myself to try to work hard, and start mending whats broken, i know it wont fix it  a day , nor even in a week, it will take months, may be a year or two, but i dont have to give up, i have a dream and i have to accomplish it

and from now on i am starting it with a determination that this time i wont QUIT.

Seed, weed and soil

Sometimes people around us, are inappropriate for us, they are not what we need to go towards success, they are mean and they just want to utilize you only for there purpose, and they will just make u worst, will leech out everything you have and then leave you to rot.

Take an example of a seed, it needs proper amount of water, soil, sun and air, and some nutrients, and if it gets it properly it will nourish well, it will nurture more better, and it will look good and healthy, these are what appropriate things are for seed, what if any of these things are not the way they needed, or what if ground is full of weed, they will suck all your nutrients and deprive you from your nutrition and will let you rot, same is for the group of friends you keep.

And the best thing one must do is cut of the weed first and remove them so that this plant can grow and add some symbiotic organisms which might support you with your nutrients.

Its just the same thing, i am having, just a month left for my semester and all are coming to me asking to teach them, to help them, asking if i can support them and teach them just important thing, you might say this is a nice thing, you would be revising and learning in this way but seriously its not like that it more or less waste of  time, cause they just need is shortcuts to study, just key point important thing, that i mark for them so that they can pass, i am sick of these people

I dont want them any more, i just want to learn and need some space from these people. 

Learning and evolution of mind

In this world everything is subjected to change, and everything is continuously evolving, and this evolution of everything makes this world more interesting.
one basic type of evolving is that we age, like a child grows to an adult and later to old age and then to death bed.
another type of evolving is the evolution of our mind, it evolves with duration of time and with  increase activity of it which makes us to perceive more from less information and thats why we are said to learn more and more as it increases our neural synapses and makes our thinking criteria much better.

Finite and inevitable

Everything in this world has a time limit and after that it wears of, thats is it has a countdown timer constantly decreasing every second,and it starts with the beginning of a thing and it reaches at zero at time of destruction.
Same goes with relationships they have there time period and they will end, either today, tomorrow or in near future it will and you can't deny it nor you can stop it. But all you can do is make it pleasant and enjoyable, so that it might end but you still have its wonderful memories with you, so that you can say it that YOU HAD YOUR BEST TIME WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE.

Sometime while remembering those memories we dont even remember the words nor what we discussed just the feeling of happiness which knocks away all your sadness and from inside you say i loved it.

We all are finite and our destruction is inevitable but our memories and feelings are infinite.