Why I Am Here ?

Right now i am really stressed, a bit broken and not feeling that much well, its 3:30 am my mind is kind of filled with loads of stuff which i want to take it out of my mind, and put it somewhere, where i can read it later or share it to someone close when its the right time.

I am a medical student, struggling with life, its really tough to be in this field, course is lengthy, things takes alot of time to learn, and need multiple time revision to make sure that u it well and can apply it when u are examining a patient,
But my life is kind of F***ED, Lost of my Gf, and it was all my fault that i lost her, and now she is with someone way better then me who cares for her and give her most of her time
and be there when she needs
on the other hand i was an A**,
my studies and leisure activities had reduced my time in such a way that i was nt able to talk to her well.and i lost her. and u know what she was really dear to me
its just that she was supportive helping caring and always be there when u need her

and now i hve lost her, and i dont knw how to get her back , i m trying to but its kind of impossible
even  i have reduced my leisure activity to zero and have just kept my time for studies n for her

and now  i m kind stressed that i cant tell her this
as it will make her sad and i dont want to do that
so thats why i am sharing whats on my mind here, so that when it will be the right tiem i will show her :)

and the reason its 3:30 am and i m awake, coz was online for her on whatsapp when she was talking to her new boyfriend, just stayed on whatsapp to show her that i am here and i will be here whenever she wants
she asked me why i am awake, i lied to her that i am studying,

thats it for now, will be posting my thoughts daily to let off some steam :)
so that i can focus on my studies in better way